She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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