Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
