6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
