I must be too annoying 4 u.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
