Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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