if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
