here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
