Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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