Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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