The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So. Much. Porn.
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