I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
