Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
