There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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