I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
