just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
