Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
