I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
