they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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