So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
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I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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