Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The uberlube is also flammable
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
