Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize