opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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