so explain again why im purple
no
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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