you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
