Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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