I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
