Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Randomize
