apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
