i already hear my dad disowning me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
