And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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