True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
