Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
