Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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