you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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