If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
