hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
