Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
