I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
