her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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