I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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