Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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