dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
