I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
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She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
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This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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