Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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