I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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