I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
