I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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