I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
