dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
