dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
