all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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