i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
