I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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