I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
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Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?