my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.