Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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