my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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