Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
