I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.