I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Never let your siblings swipe right.