Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.

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  (512): I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself. (519): If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey. http://tfl.nu/1rre
  Replies (158) Good night (1709) Bad night (1097)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned

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  (973): My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned http://tfl.nu/s0bf
  Replies (19) Good night (3785) Bad night (916)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.

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  (920): Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later. http://tfl.nu/9vwo
  Replies (4) Good night (2279) Bad night (707)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  How did you steal an entire pie?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I don't know. It's in my purse.

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  (503): How did you steal an entire pie? (602): I don't know. It's in my purse. http://tfl.nu/b3mp
  Replies (22) Good night (11676) Bad night (1254)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.

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  (405): he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever. http://tfl.nu/wct5
  Replies (15) Good night (1370) Bad night (5828)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances

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  (306): But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances http://tfl.nu/e227
  Replies (4) Good night (2285) Bad night (857)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them

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  (218): I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them http://tfl.nu/0wmz
  Replies (4) Good night (2345) Bad night (979)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?

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  (303): How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head? http://tfl.nu/wek5
  Replies (5) Good night (2020) Bad night (822)
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  (310): View more from California

  I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"

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  (310): I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me" http://tfl.nu/p6et
  Replies (8) Good night (1737) Bad night (643)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.

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  (970): I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh. http://tfl.nu/93er
  Replies (9) Good night (1856) Bad night (834)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time

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  (517): Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time http://tfl.nu/cfap
  Replies (2) Good night (904) Bad night (541)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.

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  (570): We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't. http://tfl.nu/vt2d
  Replies (1) Good night (639) Bad night (367)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore

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  (505): Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore http://tfl.nu/mshh
  Replies (2) Good night (835) Bad night (428)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?

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  (254): The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left? http://tfl.nu/ml3m
  Replies (6) Good night (623) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.

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  (416): Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing. http://tfl.nu/0abd
  Replies (6) Good night (1032) Bad night (438)

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