bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
