I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
