Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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