She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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