so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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