remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
