My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
